Guys, I’m done. No more blogging from me. This place is finished. Y’see, after a lengthy discussion with Destructoid’s Dale North he’s made it clear to me that Destructoid is awesome. No, really. They are. I mean, you don’t become one of the biggest gaming sites on the internet by being shit. They have a metric fuckton of readers, like the Twilight novels. The numbers alone! Why attack that? They must be doing something right, surely.
The same with Kotaku. Sure, they post a lot of trash, but they have a qualimpoopillion readers who visit their site every day. I can’t argue with those figures!
And that’s what it’s about at the end of the day, isn’t it? Numbers. Pageviews. Statistics. That is what game journalism is truly about, and the stats speak volumes. Clearly Destructoid were fantastic all along. You finally made a monkey out of me!
Also Jim Sterling is one sexy dancer. Two hours later and I’m still sporting some serious wood.
So where do we go from here? Well from tomorrow the blog will be completely rebranded. I’m keeping the URL as it is, but the site will now be called Game Journalists Are Incredibly Awesome And I Wish I Could Be One But I’m A Failed Writer And I’m Actually Rather Bitter About That But It’s Okay Because Look At All These Awesome Articles These Sites Post. GJAIAAIWICBEBIAFWAIARBATBIOBLAATAATSP will actually be more or less the same as it is now - I’ll just relabel all of the posts I’ve made so far as #so awesome.
Now if you’ll excuse me, the only place to eat anywhere near me is a KFC. Sure they’re not great, but there’s nothing better on the table so I just sort-of make do.
Good night, and remember you can’t trust everything you read.
Imagining Jim Sterling doing a sexy dance is getting me hard. I am okay with this.
Anthony is leaving Destructoid altogether! D: Sad times are these!
These scientists, I don’t know where, have been studying moray eels. Dude, those motherfuckers have two sets of jaws. Like in Aliens- they have their mouth which like, bites fish and then they have this other fuckin’ set of jaws that comes out of their throat to like… bite pieces of the fish off. It’s the fucking coolest yet simultaneously most disturbing thing about like… the planet Earth ever.
So anyway, back on topic-
Man, the sea is fucked up. Really it is, I mean everything in the sea is just wrong.
*laughter* Have you seen those giant squids? Can you imagine running into one of those things? Oh my God…
Yeah! I mean the amount of bullshit that goes on in the sea is unbelievable I mean you’ve got Obama talking about healthcare- why isn’t he dealing with the ocean!? There’s fucking fish with LIGHTS down there!
….Thank you for listening to our videogame podcast.